Ache ache and more ache....

I guess thats what happens when you work out, after slacking for such a long time....

But it feels good to swim after not swimming for such a long time... Clears your mind and tires you out completely...

Squash was interesting, but definitely not my cup of tea.... We all realised that its not a wise idea for me to keep playing squash, coz at the rate I'm hitting the ball, either the ceiling is gonna come down or the ventilation fan is gonna drop out! Haha... yeah.... It was good to revise how to play table tennis, but only to find out that my standard has dropped so badly I might as well not play.... haha. So I'm sure that I'm so not a sporty person....

Now, my back is aching, shoulder is achng, legs are aching.... awww.... I need a massage.... Argh....

Memories hit in waves

Was sleeping soundly in bed when my baby niece decided to wake me up by standing against my bed and pulling all my books and soft toys that was 'seated' comfortably above my head....

Only to find letters.... Letters and more letters, dated 1999....

Maybe I should have burnt them, but I can't possibly bear to..... I can't bring myself to...

I found more things from my past as I read those letters again. Maybe I shouldn't have, maybe it was God's will.....

Many people have asked me, " What would you do if you could turn back time."
I would be genuinely noble if I meant it when I say that I wouldn't change a thing. But lets all get real....

I would change alot of things.... I wouldn't have chosen Accountancy in NP, I wouldn't have chosen Derrick, I wouldn't have allowed Angel and Joel in my life.

I would have forseen alot of things and be a millionaire now.... Haiz....

Thoughts

I don't know how to feel.... Should I be upset? Should I be overjoyed?

Which is better? To love and to be loved? or just to be loved? Honestly, I don't know the answer... Can love grow over time? Will I ever learn to love someone else as I have loved before?

Am I happy? Is this what I really want? Do I really just wanna be loved?

Why am I going through all this?

I loved Nicholas, but he didn't appreciate, he did love me, but he just didn't appreciate....

I loved Derrick, but he just didn't care... period....

I can now only care alot.... I care for Siew Pen alot, but he loves me and adores me to bits....

Is this wat I really want?

Why do I feel this way? Why do people not reciprocate feelings towards me?

Maybe God just wanna test my patience.... Maybe he hates the fact that I read more love novels than his bible! Argh!!!