Hmmmm.... fever was bad yesterday, at least its slightly better today... I slept on the pillow I brought home from Derrick's place... I fell into deep slumber.... thoughts of him in my sub-conscious mind.... I used to cry for my mum when I'm sick... I'd cry and say I want mummy... even when I was at Derrick's place the other time.... but last night, I jolted out of my sleep calling for Derrick.... My fever went down slightly, I didn't take any medication.... refused to see a doctor.... The last time I fell so sick was in August 2004, I still remember I was at EDC with Derrick and the rest of them... I had a fever and Derrick insisted on me seeing this doctor at Tampines that cost me $80. Even after seeing the doctor, I was still sick for the entire month... My voice is giving way, I don't feel like eating, but my mum keep giving me food to bring to work.... My cheeks are painful, my head groggy.... Denise is worried, my mum is worried, Kathy is worried, even Sebastian is worried, but my question is, is Derrick worried?? Is he even thinking of me? Does he know that I may collapse anytime? Does he care? Does he know why I'm not letting go?
Anyway, I just found the Prom VCD the other night, gave the VCD to Denise to copy.... brought back lots of memories.... Germain was in the VCD.... in his blue suit... I still remember he was the 1st one to arrive at Ritz then followed by me.... I was very active and all smiles.... I haven't smiled like that for a long time.... Great, now I'm beginning to cough... My heart is beating like its taking part in some race, very fast and very hard, Denise says its alright, she has it too.... she says its stress.... well... I dunno, I don't care.... I stare into space alot now, and I have to breathe very hard, if not I'll get breathless, but when I breathe hard, my chest hurts.... so sickening.... so very sickening...
I had a weird dream last night... I dreamt I was back in sec 4 again and it was chinese class, I was sitting next to Sylvia Lee... weird isn't it? I wasn't even in the same class as Sylvia in Sec 4... My God.... What's wrong with me, why do I keep having weird dreams? I can't sleep at night, I keep waking up, wasn't a restful sleep, not proper sleep.... its 12.30pm now, I wonder wat is he doing? just woke up? did he go for class? Has he eaten his lunch? ..... Lost for words..... too much thoughts running through my mind.... lost in my own thoughts.... now stuck in a world of my own.... Wish I will see his outstretched arms, beckoning me, a lost child, unsure of where to go and what to do.... My fever is coming back.... I'm so screwed.... I think very soon, I'll need to be sedated.... Got to get back to work... enough blogging for the time being....
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