Its Thurs today.... tomorrow is my off day.... its a public holiday.... I'm still sick.... I can totally see my sick pattern forming.... My chest is in pain, its very painful when I breathe, I'm getting breathless.... my asthma is coming back.... I'm not taking my inhalers coz they make my nerves shaky... my nerves are already shaky enough, I don't need to worsen the situation.... Then again, I'm already in the worst kind of situation, wat can be worse than now??? Sebastian just went for lunch, Aldrich and Kathy are going out for lunch too.... Sitting along the aisle sux.... I can see the door and yet I'm stuck here.... maybe for the better or for the worst.... I'm trying to sort out what's going through my head, but its total blank.... like brain dead.... I'm reading working email.... I read the stuff that I sent to Denise, the short conversation I had with Derrick, the last conversation that I had with him calling me dear.... I saved it in my mailbox.... dun wanna delete it... can't bear to delete it.... I was at Wheelock Place last nite, at Border's with Sebastian, I kept looking in the direction of EDC... I thought of the times when we would meet early and go to Far East for dinner.... Still remember the other time, Nic got jealous when I told Derrick that his shirt came out.... I miss him... I miss him terribly, but does anyone understand that kind of pain I'm in? no..... no one understands.... everyone just says you'll feel better after you cry it out and walk away..... problem now is... I can't walk away.... I can't just walk away from someone I care so much about... The pain is equivilant or more than the pain of losing a child.... ok... Lunch break....
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