Sunday.. .. . .. .. ..

Its Sunday.... Just came back from lunch break.... knocking off at 1730hrs.... its 1pm now, Derrick should be on the shuttle bus to church.... Has he had his lunch? Did he have enough sleep last night? When he's in bed, does he turn to his left and miss seeing me there next to him? Does he use the 2 towels that I bought? How's Faith? Is she bigger now? As much as I said that Faith's the only thing that I can't let go, that was a BIG FAT lie.... Its him.... All this while, it has always been him.... All this time, Faith's only my excuse for me to see more of him.... Its been a week since I last saw him....
" I don't love you anymore",
"I'm not interested in you anymore",
" I'm not looking at you coz I don't even want to see you".
"Its over, no matter what you do, say, I'll never love you again. Just like how Germain was to Denise, Denise still said no."
All these Derrick said to me, it keeps re-running in my head like a broken record... Lucky for me, I took my pill before I spoke to him, if not I might not even be around to type all these down....

Talking about Germain, his death anniversary is coming.... He scared me, lying face down on the floor, blood streaming down to the drain at the foot of the block, wearing his secondary school singlet, slippers found between the 11 and 12 story.... nvm, I shall not go into that....

Its been a long time since I last said, " Dear dear, I want bao bao..." I used to say that with a smile and I used to smile.... used to....

As I'm working now, I'm having the after effects of banging my head on the floor... Its beginning to hurt... I've got a big bruise on my arm after hanging upside-down from the parallel bar, it hurts, but not as much as my heart....

I miss the way he smiles, the way he used to look at me, the way he hugs me and cuddles me to sleep, the way he looks when he's dead asleep, I'm glad I've got photos in my phone, those that I took of him while he was sleeping, so serene....

Its 2pm now.... Service is going to start.... Do you think he will msg me after fellowship to ask me if I wanted to go over to visit Faith and play with her? I doubt.... but I really wish he will....

I'm having severe cramps now.... I have to keep drinking tea.... I still have sleeping problems, can't sleep at night til I think of him.... I keep spending money too.... I bought the Troy DVD, for obvious reasons, maybe I'll get 'Win a Date with Tad Hamilton', Shrek 2, The Day after Tomorrow, Garfield etc etc... and yesterday I bought 4 new hair clips at one go.... spent $64 on the 4 of them 2 @ $20 each and 2 @ $12 each.... Oh, just found another bruise, at my hip, I guess I rest on my hip too much before flipping over the pole.... Quite scary, din manage to flip, but I remember how I used to do it easily back in my primary school days.... then again, I guess age does matter....

Thoughts of Derrick just flooded throught my head again.... tears welling up in my eyes again.... Sadness overwhelms me once again.....