Truth... .. .. .. ..

This is the whole truth.... I've had an off day and I've woken up.... I'm no longer depressed, I've snapped out of all my nonsense.... Sleep has been excellent, appetite has been great, and now, the entire truth.... I need to get it off my chest, as sad as this situation is, and maybe you will understand my predicament and why I feel into depression and suicidal thoughts ran through my mind....

I didn't meet Derrick for that one night and I was at home, I saw his calls, but I didn't pick up... Why?? I wanted to test his trust in me.... I was home the entire night, I didn't reach home til after 3am coz I was at work.... but I told Denise the next day that I was with Nicholas the night before... yes... I did something stupid, I wanted to test the loyalty of my good friend to me and I wanted to test my boyfriend's trust in me.... I actually lied to Denise but told Derrick the truth.... hmmm... well.... the result has shown obviously that my good friend showed no loyalty to me and Derrick had zilch trust in me... sad story huh? I further went on to do stupid things like 'confessed' to Derrick that I WAS with Nicholas that night... Why???? Remember a few entries ago? I said I was looking for a love that would mean forgiving and loving even more??? Derrick failed the second test..... Coz he obviously didn't love me that way.... He failed me the third time, when I was so sad and I tried so hard to salvage whatever that was left of our relationship and he said all those hurtful things to me....

Hmmm.... it might sound silly, but these 3 weeks has been the louisest 3 weeks of my life, I have Denise and Derrick to thank for, but the both of them made me realise who my friends are and how much they love and care for me. They made me realise that my team is an excellent team, my TL is great, she's so supportive of me and comforts me and my team has been guiding me and helping me and accompanying me and most importantly Sebastian, thanks for all the late nights and company.... Grace, you have never been forgotten, you're one of the most important person in my life, without you, I dunno wat or where I would be now, I may be still or even more depressed and might not even step out of it, I'm glad and grateful to have you around all these while.... I haven't cried since 24/1/2005 when I was talking to my TL, I told her everything that happened.... I didn't cry anymore, I don't need Derrick....

I met up with Nicholas, he took me for a ride on his new bike, it was nice, he brought me to Changi Village, a place that I haven't been to for a long time.... It was nice, the wind in your face was great.... I felt so carefree and like I've dumped a whole lot of burden away, I'd be lying if I said I no longer love Derrick, but its minimal.... Its draining out fast, as fast as I was hurt and fell into depression.... I talked to Nicholas abt it, and he said this, it works like a spring, the faster and lower you go, the higher and faster you spring back.... its fair... and its true.... I took weeks, but overnight I just recovered...

Last night, I watched ABBA DVD... it was good... hmmm... back to work.....